7-30-03 12:30 AM

I'm so fucking white.

Yeah, so Jedwin and I (well, probably just Jedwin, but I drove) were invited to a quisi-party thingy at the house of the NYU girl who's name I still can't spell ... Sue Xui (maybe). Anyway, the point is that I was the only non-Asian there. The story of my life! And I managed not to say the words "SARS", "gook", or "chink." I was actually quite proud of myself.

Yeah, so we played Taboo, which is a lot of fun, but it was even more fun because the teams were divided according to state of college-enrollment (NY vs. NJ). I must say that I am proud of the fact that my team (NY) absolutely killed. Just to make sure that I was turning Asian, I also played Go, badminton, and Frisbee.

And, unsurprisingly, I managed to squeeze a few games of DDR in before the place closed. teehee.

O, and Ilona is back in the country!!!! :) ... she's not here, since she's in Florida, but it's closer that Ecuador. So I'm happy.

Anyways, I have to do sick amounts of work tomorrow, so good night.

7-27-03 12:55 AM

Ok, so yesterday (Saturday) was the weirdest day ever.

So, there was a DDR competition at Freehold Mall. The grand prize is a free trip for two to Los Vegas, so I figure lots of really good people would be there. The preliminary rounds were supposed to be in the morning, and then the finals were supposed to be in the afternoon. I decided that I wasn't going to enter, and would instead just go and watch the finals in the afternoon, to see the really really good people play. Yeah ....

So I get there at 4:30, and see that these two guys I know, Ben L. and Adam B. are in the winners bracket. Now, I'm not trying to insult these guys, cuz they are both better than me at DDR, but I never thought that they would be near the top of the competition, from what I heard of competitions in Japan and on the West Coast. And on top of that, this guy "Chef" has been eliminated, and he's just fucking amazing. So I ask what the hell is going on, and they tell me that the early rounds of the competitions are all easy songs, so basically anyone can win. And they tell me that, in between competitions, it's free play on all the DDR machines.

But I'm wearing my sandals and no socks .. FUCK. Then, out of nowhere, some kid just says, "Why don't you buy shoes?" ... and I'm like .. FUCK ... I'm in a mall. So I go to Payless Shoes, buy $20 sneakers and a $5 package of socks, and enter the competition.

So, in my very first round, I'm up against Jedwin, Matt W, some other kid, and Adam K. Now, you have to understand that, if on a scale of 1-10 of DDR skill, I'm about an 8, and Adam is around 11, with "Take" and "Yasu" from Japan at around 325124011544.6, but we won't talk about that. Anyway, Adam is a lot better than me. To make a long story short, I won the round. I love luck and stupid Japanese scoring systems.

So, Semi-Finals ... I'm up against this one nice Asian kid who basically didn't think he was a challenge, and this one huge white man, who's fucking amazing and memorizes all the steps. So I think I'm fucked .. and .. you guessed it. .. I won. It was some easy maniac song, I think (It's all blur). So I got into the finals, against just one other kid .. and ...

They pick AFRONOVA on maniac. *cry* .. I never, ever, ever play that song. Kyle always tries to make me play it, and I never do. And so, in the greatest anticlimax ever, I horribly fuck up, and don't win my trip to Los Vegas. FUCKING FUCK.

And as the consolation prize, they give me these cheap shitty computer speakers. For God's sake people ... I have Klipsches .. I can blow the speakers they gave me up with sound pressure. Worthless.

Well, at least I was the best dressed person in the competition, what, with my slick microfibre khaki's and my red shirt.

However, it's not like I even deserved to get into the finals, so I can't really complain; it just hurts to have a treasure wrenched out from your grasp, even if you weren't supposed to have even seen it.

O, and to top off my great day, I got to talk with Ilona for a few minutes .. making me miss her even more, of course.

Later.

7-25-03 1:13

I own the sphincter of DDR. Yes, it's true. I beat Paranoia Survivor 270 on Heavy with a C, and then went on to get a B on Max 300 on Heavy. I win.

After this, I went to Fusion Ti to play more DDR. When I started playing, all the pathetic groveling little losers stopped playing counterstrike and lined up to watch me play. Pathetic ... I wasn't even doing well, since I'm not used to that machine.

After that, I went to James Lai's (sp?) house to  ... you guessed it ... play more DDR. I failed Max 300 and Healing Vision Angelic Mix because the soft pads I was forced to play on sucked.

And then .... Applebee's for Hot Boneless Buffalo Wings. Mmmmmmm.. And to top it all off, I saw John T. and Ian. And this post really really sucks.

And I really really miss Ilona.

Good Night.

7-23-03 4:16 PM

Nothing has been happening. I mean, nothing of interest. I've been working from home sporadically, and so far have probably earned less than $500. It's pathetic. I need more money, but since I'm working from home, I work maybe 2 hours a day, instead of 8. So I'm going to be poor.

Let's see... Ilona isn't back yet, and won't be back for another 1.5 weeks. This sucks remarkably. I mean, amazingly, the high that she helped me get too is still here, but I think that's only because of the knowledge that she's coming back.

I'm out.

7-14-03 2:07 AM

Well, I have to wake up at 5:30 tomorrow in order to be on time for my NYU orientation. I've been trying to fall asleep for the past two hours, obviously to no avail. It seems that on occasion of sleep being an absolute requirement, my body (which hates me) has decided to get a migraine. Wonderful.

See you know you can't sleep when neither trance music nor the ol' right hand remedy don't work to get you to fall asleep. This really sucks. I'm going to go take some lovely lovely Excedrin.

Good Night (yeah right).

P.S. I miss Ilona.

7-12-03 1:51 AM

Well, apparently Ilona and I decided to try and keep our relationship going after I go away to college. So I'd like to apologize to all those hopeful NYU girls; I am officially off the market indefinitely. ;) .

From everything that I hear, what we're doing is a horrible idea, but meh ... it would feel strange not to try. Anyway.

Well, more immediately, Ilona is going away to Ecuador in about 5 hours. So I'm all alone for the next 3 weeks. This means, of course, more DDR. And more work. I really need money. A lot.

Anyway, I know that this update was horrible, but I really wanted to tell someone, and the internet is the only thing awake at this hour.

7-4-03 1:08 AM

Happy Fourth of July!!!

Ok, having said that, I want to move onto something that is now bothering me.

I was just following links and comments from somebody's Xanga, and I got to the webpage of some Asian kid who lives in Pennsylvania. Now, what particularly caught my attention was the the majority of his site was devoted to cursing of what he calls "whiteboys." Now, I assume that when people in East Brunswick make comments like that, they are joking, just as I am when I make "derogatory" statements about Asians. But this person was not joking as all; he really hates white people. However, his hatred is justified by some valid reasons. According to him, white people often scream derogatory remarks and racial slurs at him and him friends for no reason; this really surprised me, because, aside from an incident that may or may not have occurred during the school year, this kind of thing just doesn't happen in East Brunswick, at least on the surface.

Now, I might just have a skewed perspective, being that I hang out with people who wouldn't participate in this type of racial bigotry, so I am interested. Is there really a hatred between whites and Asians, or is it just a local thing constrained to that particular kid's neighborhood? If anyone knows, don't hesitate to tell me. I mean, if there really is an undercurrent of hatred, I should probably tone down my joking around, since I really don't want to add any fuel to the fire.

Anyway, I just wanted to write something about that, because it bothers me when this type of irrational shit floats to the surface. Good Night.

7-3-03 2:08 AM

So Jedwin started updating again!

Yes, that did deserve its own paragraph. Anyway, inspired by Jedwin's ever-present depression about all things female, I decided to re-read some of my old posts, from when I was unhappily single. The experience was a strange one; try as I might, I could not make myself accurately relive the emotions of which I was writing. I can remember them on an intellectual level, but I just can't make myself feel them. It actually sucks.

Reading my old posts also reminded me that, perhaps as a result of my underlying personality, I cannot experience positive emotions as strongly as negative ones. For example, the very strong positive emotions that I feel towards Ilona cannot compare in sheer magnitude to the horrible sense of hopelessness and futility that I wallowed in before I was with her. Don't get me wrong: I would never, ever trade what I have now for what I had then, but I am just noting that, in magnitude, I had more then. It's really strange.

While, back then, I could define myself through my hopelessness, now, I cannot even define myself. Which, in and of itself, is strange, considering that, externally, I don't really act any differently. Viewed from the outside, I am still the same person, albeit more likely to smile. But, obviously, I am internally reversed.

Speaking of reversal, I was just thinking about the multiple meanings of the word "empty." I often used it to describe my emotional state, but I don't think that was accurate, since I was actually more full of emotion then than I am now. Therefore, I could not have really been empty; I think the word that would have better described it is discontented, although that is not strong enough. However, the English language does have its limitations, and therefore that word will have to do.

Ok, at this point I don't even know what I'm talking about .. it's late, I'm tired, and I'm going to try and get some sleep, since I have to wake up and work, since I might be doing other stuff later in the day. Good Night.

7-2-03 5:26 PM

Well, I'm back from Hawaii. Yeah ... um ... I probably should have mentioned going there before I actually left, but whatever. Yeah, so my trip was pretty interesting. During the incredibly long flight there, I discovered that I had a sinus infection. I was alerted to this by the searing agony that occurs whenever the pressure changes and you have a sinus infection. So that was fun.

Once in Hawaii, I treated my sinuses with an antibiotic. This got rid of the sinus pain; unfortunately, it did nothing for the continuous headaches that I had the rest of the trip. Yes, amazingly there was not a single day in Hawaii that I didn't have a headache. It was great!

I think that the headaches stemmed from the fact that I was trapped in the same physical location with my brother. That causes so much stress for me that my body starts to fall apart. I'm so incredibly happy that I won't have to live with him ever again, basically.

Anyways, there was one thing that was amazing on Maui, which is the Hawaiian island that I visited; the eastern side of the island is composed of a dormant volcano, Haleakala. The top of this mountain is the most beautiful place that I have ever visited in my entire life; there is a mars-like landscape inside the crater, which is juxtaposed simultaneously against the clouds (which are below it) and the pacific ocean. It's just amazing.

Well, other than that one place, I won't miss Hawaii at all. For the first time in my life, I'm actually glad to be back in East Brunswick. I missed being away from Ilona, the Matts, DDR, and my computer. Anyway, it's warmer here than it is in Hawaii, so what's the point?

Now that I got my twenty hours of sleep, I love East Brunswick.